A Brouhaha over a HooHa, And Other Stories

Currently Listening: Tenacious D In The Pick Of Destiny
Currently Watching: Scrubs
Currently Thinking: If this is all there is, then what's the point?

Hi there.

It’s been an awful long time since I’ve stopped here to post my thoughts on this lovely little website. It’s kind of disappointing, because at the beginning of this year I had decided that I was going to be here a lot more, and maybe actually make this little part of the internet worthwhile.

The economics of blogging is a staggering subject. Apparently, someone starts a blog every 30 seconds. So why on earth would you want to read mine? My little page of rants and hopes and fears?

Probably because you know me. Maybe it’s my acerbic wit. Maybe you think I’m a wanker. I don’t know, and if the truth be told I don’t want to know.

Anyway, I have now purchased myself a shiny new Macintosh Computer, and therefore I’ll be here more regularly.

I’ve been trying to think of things to write about. And here’s my inspiration – the Metro. I think, for the foreseeable future at least, I’ll focus on one news story of the day and give you my take on it.

So here we go.

I want to talk about something special. Something important. Something beautiful. Do you know what I’m talking about?

I’ll tell you. It’s one word:

VAGINA.

n. pl. va·gi·nas or va·gi·nae (-nē)
Anatomy
The passage leading from the opening of the vulva to the cervix of the uterus in female mammals.
A similar part in some invertebrates.
Botany
A sheathlike structure, such as the leaf of a grass that surrounds a stem.

Is that so disgusting? Is it such a horrible word that you can’t bear to look at it? Or do you want to burn your computer screen, and throw it out of the window and never, ever think about it again? I know I don’t. So, yes, it can sound clinical, and no-one in the history of the world has ever, ever, used it as a purpose for talking dirty (“feel my hot, wet Vagina!”).

And this, as you may have suspected, leads us to America, and the subject of today’s lecture. Now then, me being me, I have thrown the paper away, but I’m sure the story still exists on the interwebs somewhere. The crux of it is this – in some small, back-water, blindly Christian town in Alabama, a production of ‘The Vagina Monologues’ is taking place. But they’ve changed the name. To what?

The HooHa Monologues.

I shit you not. Why? A lady made a complaint about the use of the word ‘Vagina’ in the poster.

Using the word Vagina in a poster for a production of ‘The Vagina Monologues’?? Won’t somebody please think of the Children?

Which is, ironically, exactly where the complaint comes from. Apparently, a lady walked past a poster for the play when her child asked her ‘Mommy, what’s a Vagina?’, and she had to suffer the ‘indignity and embarrassment’ of explaining to her daughter what a HooHa is. This, in turn, led the theatre to change the title in the poster.

So let’s get some things straight here. The mother thought is was undignified and embarrassing to explain to her daughter what a Vagina was. And that she had one. Has America come this far?

I do, of course, ask this of a country where Evolution is banned from being taught in the majority of states, whereas creationism is blindly accepted. But back to the point, if there is such disgust over using a perfect, biological term for a part of the human body, what hope have we got? Telling your daughter what a Vagina is won’t make her get out there and start using it. If she has a healthy and educated attitude, then she should be empowered (oh, Christ, have I turned feminist?) when she is older by having comfort in her body and knowing how it works. The way to develop a healthy attitude towards sex, sexuality and above all sexual health is to be open and honest with our Children when they ask us questions about their bodies and what they do. I guarantee that the kids won’t go and start breeding like rabbits, because they will have the knowledge and sensibility not to.

Equate it to this. Remember when you were in college – the kids who went out and got so drunk they couldn’t stand on a Friday night were the ones to whom alcohol had been a taboo subject growing up.

Of course, this in no way precludes the behaviour of teenagers, we all got drunk and had sex – I’m just saying if you had the right attitude towards it you can at least approach your life with a modicum of sanity.

So back to the question: ‘Mommy, what’s a Vagina’?

I would suggest the correct answer is not ‘It’s a filthy thing and we will never talk of this again’!

I’d hate to see what happens when a tampon advert comes on in that house. “Periods are… The work of the DEVIL!!”

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. We’re getting dumber. And, as usual, America is leading the charge.

But be warned – us Brits with all our education and our sensibilities and our erstwhile effective gun laws – are not far behind.

I want to close this with something very adult, and not at all Childish:

Vagina, Vagina, Vagina, Vagina, Vagina, Vagina, Vagina, Vagina, Vagina, Vagina, Vagina, Vagina, Vagina, Vagina, Vagina, Vagina, Vagina, Vagina, Vagina, Vagina, Vagina, Vagina, Vagina, Vagina, Vagina¸ Vagina¸ Vagina¸ Vagina, Vagina¸ Vagina!

Other acceptable body parts:

Penis
Vulva
Clitoris
Testicle
Scrotum
Foreskin
Urethra
Labia

That’s just a few. I hope some right wing Americans read this!

Chris Jensen – Scourge of Dumb People Everywhere! Where is your ‘God’ now??

Love,

Chris

X x x