Me vs North Korea
Song of the Day: Walkie Talkie Man - Stereogram
Word of the Day: Harumph
Sound of the Day: Kaboom!
Hello all.
Yes, it’s been a long, long time, and I know you’ve all missed me, but there we are. It’s a shamefully tragic fact of life that, most of the time, you can’t have what you want. But, so it is said, you’ve gotta try. Try and try. Try and try. You’ll succeed at last.
Thanks to Mick Jagger for the lyrics.
So I’m back, like a prodigal thingy, hopefully with more opinions and drivel than ever before. I have no excuse for being so quiet, dear friends, other than the new job keeps me busier than a Japanese Prisoner of War, and that the distinct lack of internet at Chez Jensen was a contributing factor. However, the seven-month itch at work has taken hold, I now have the INTARWEB at home, and suddenly my blogging fingers are back.
What’s been happening of late? Well, to summarise the last few months, Llew got married, I got a girlfriend, the summer came and went and Tony Blair teased us all by saying he’d retire the Premiership.
And we’re all surprised that he hasn’t. Not to get in to a political rant – but His Toniness doesn’t exactly have the best reputation for being honest, does he?
45 MINUTES, MAN!!
Hmm. Best move on.
Realisation dawned recently. Realisation that I, Chris Jensen, have lost out on an awful lot of money. An awful lot.
“How?” I hear you cry “What have you not done?”
I shall tell you, dear reader. Starting from the first of this month, I've kept every email from former African dictators, dodgy Nigerian oil executives, dispossessed Zimbabwean farmers and - a new one this - US Marines smuggling out their Iraqi war loot and totted up how much I'd get if each and every one of these honest-to-goodness internet entrepreneurs came good on their promises of filthy lucre.A mere five days into the project, the current total is: £158,188, 455, so I can safely say, at this stage in the game, that this time next year Rodders, we'll be billionaires.
Hmm. Moving on again for the second time already.
Colin moves out in December. I’m looking forward to it, but I don’t know who the hell is going to move in in his place… So if anybody knows anyone who’s willing to move in to my flat (with me) (but not WITH me) then please let me know!
So it was a good weekend, all told. I have discovered several things such as:
- I’m old. Official like. Went clubbing on Friday and, at the age of 26, I was one of the oldest people in there.
- The night bus is still weird.
- Hamley’s on a Saturday is like the Seventh Circle. Only worse.
- My girlfriend is great.
- Even in my advanced years, I sometimes have to sleep with the light on.
- Jensen and the Jensenettes win the Heathcote Arms Pub Quiz for the second time running. We have the best General Knowledge in Leytonstone! Although, that really isn’t saying much!
It’s all over the news today that North Korea has finally flown in the face of international pressure and tested its first nuclear weapon. The size of the weapon they tested is unknown – but is estimated to be between 550 tons and 15 Kilotons of destructive power (at its largest, about the size of the Hiroshima Bomb). Now, I’ve been doing some reading in to this. Analysts say that, even though the North Koreans may have been able to develop weapons-grade uranium, they may not actually have a payload that could deliver it (we’ve discussed this before – ‘Deliver’ being a military term for ‘Drop the fucking thing on (enter enemy here)’).
What? Well what’s the fucking point in testing the fucking thing, then? This is the military equivalent of saying to someone a lot bigger than you: “Come over here and say that, you huge Visigoth Wanker!”
What we all need to remember is this: Even if the North Koreans HAVE developed a payload that could deliver a warhead, the likelihood of it going any further than Pyongyang is highly dubious. Further to that, assuming that they have, in fact, been able to Enrich enough Uranium-235 (and this is subsequent to the Uranium being a) mined, b) converted to ‘Yellow Cake’, and c) converted to Uranium Hexafluoride) they will have to build a sodding great Nuclear Processing Plant to make the damn stuff.
Unless they will reprocess what is left over from the enrichment process and make a Plutonium bomb, which can be made in a pretty inconspicuous looking building and is a helluva lot simpler to construct (it’s a widely held belief/knowledge that it wouldn’t take a great deal of difficulty to acquire (ha - even for a terrorist) Plutonium from Civil Nuclear Reactors (there’s 400 on the planet accounting for 17% of global energy) – and less than scientific ability to construct the bare bones of a warhead that could explode with the force of “100 tonnes of Dynamite – more than 20 times the force of the largest terrorist bomb attack to date” (Source, BBC).
The point I’m making is this – There’s always going to be some power crazed dictator (in this case Kim Jong-Il, and make no mistake about this, he is a dictator) who is going to start wanting to chuck things that go bang at other people. All the gumpf about this test bringing “happiness to our people” (North Korean statement) is, frankly, bollocks.
There’s a new world order, folks. When J. Robert Oppenheimer watched the first atomic bomb test he uttered the immortal line “I have become the destroyer of worlds.”
He may well have been right.
Because now George Dubbya almost certainly has his finger on the trigger. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad wants a trigger and is doing everything in his power to get one. Pakistan has nuclear capability. So does Russia. Hell, the second biggest nuclear arsenal on the planet belongs to the British.
Kind of makes you think, doesn’t it?
Whoops. No comedy today, it seems. But hopefully something to start a debate.
Speak soon,
Chris
Word of the Day: Harumph
Sound of the Day: Kaboom!
Hello all.
Yes, it’s been a long, long time, and I know you’ve all missed me, but there we are. It’s a shamefully tragic fact of life that, most of the time, you can’t have what you want. But, so it is said, you’ve gotta try. Try and try. Try and try. You’ll succeed at last.
Thanks to Mick Jagger for the lyrics.
So I’m back, like a prodigal thingy, hopefully with more opinions and drivel than ever before. I have no excuse for being so quiet, dear friends, other than the new job keeps me busier than a Japanese Prisoner of War, and that the distinct lack of internet at Chez Jensen was a contributing factor. However, the seven-month itch at work has taken hold, I now have the INTARWEB at home, and suddenly my blogging fingers are back.
What’s been happening of late? Well, to summarise the last few months, Llew got married, I got a girlfriend, the summer came and went and Tony Blair teased us all by saying he’d retire the Premiership.
And we’re all surprised that he hasn’t. Not to get in to a political rant – but His Toniness doesn’t exactly have the best reputation for being honest, does he?
45 MINUTES, MAN!!
Hmm. Best move on.
Realisation dawned recently. Realisation that I, Chris Jensen, have lost out on an awful lot of money. An awful lot.
“How?” I hear you cry “What have you not done?”
I shall tell you, dear reader. Starting from the first of this month, I've kept every email from former African dictators, dodgy Nigerian oil executives, dispossessed Zimbabwean farmers and - a new one this - US Marines smuggling out their Iraqi war loot and totted up how much I'd get if each and every one of these honest-to-goodness internet entrepreneurs came good on their promises of filthy lucre.A mere five days into the project, the current total is: £158,188, 455, so I can safely say, at this stage in the game, that this time next year Rodders, we'll be billionaires.
Hmm. Moving on again for the second time already.
Colin moves out in December. I’m looking forward to it, but I don’t know who the hell is going to move in in his place… So if anybody knows anyone who’s willing to move in to my flat (with me) (but not WITH me) then please let me know!
So it was a good weekend, all told. I have discovered several things such as:
- I’m old. Official like. Went clubbing on Friday and, at the age of 26, I was one of the oldest people in there.
- The night bus is still weird.
- Hamley’s on a Saturday is like the Seventh Circle. Only worse.
- My girlfriend is great.
- Even in my advanced years, I sometimes have to sleep with the light on.
- Jensen and the Jensenettes win the Heathcote Arms Pub Quiz for the second time running. We have the best General Knowledge in Leytonstone! Although, that really isn’t saying much!
It’s all over the news today that North Korea has finally flown in the face of international pressure and tested its first nuclear weapon. The size of the weapon they tested is unknown – but is estimated to be between 550 tons and 15 Kilotons of destructive power (at its largest, about the size of the Hiroshima Bomb). Now, I’ve been doing some reading in to this. Analysts say that, even though the North Koreans may have been able to develop weapons-grade uranium, they may not actually have a payload that could deliver it (we’ve discussed this before – ‘Deliver’ being a military term for ‘Drop the fucking thing on (enter enemy here)’).
What? Well what’s the fucking point in testing the fucking thing, then? This is the military equivalent of saying to someone a lot bigger than you: “Come over here and say that, you huge Visigoth Wanker!”
What we all need to remember is this: Even if the North Koreans HAVE developed a payload that could deliver a warhead, the likelihood of it going any further than Pyongyang is highly dubious. Further to that, assuming that they have, in fact, been able to Enrich enough Uranium-235 (and this is subsequent to the Uranium being a) mined, b) converted to ‘Yellow Cake’, and c) converted to Uranium Hexafluoride) they will have to build a sodding great Nuclear Processing Plant to make the damn stuff.
Unless they will reprocess what is left over from the enrichment process and make a Plutonium bomb, which can be made in a pretty inconspicuous looking building and is a helluva lot simpler to construct (it’s a widely held belief/knowledge that it wouldn’t take a great deal of difficulty to acquire (ha - even for a terrorist) Plutonium from Civil Nuclear Reactors (there’s 400 on the planet accounting for 17% of global energy) – and less than scientific ability to construct the bare bones of a warhead that could explode with the force of “100 tonnes of Dynamite – more than 20 times the force of the largest terrorist bomb attack to date” (Source, BBC).
The point I’m making is this – There’s always going to be some power crazed dictator (in this case Kim Jong-Il, and make no mistake about this, he is a dictator) who is going to start wanting to chuck things that go bang at other people. All the gumpf about this test bringing “happiness to our people” (North Korean statement) is, frankly, bollocks.
There’s a new world order, folks. When J. Robert Oppenheimer watched the first atomic bomb test he uttered the immortal line “I have become the destroyer of worlds.”
He may well have been right.
Because now George Dubbya almost certainly has his finger on the trigger. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad wants a trigger and is doing everything in his power to get one. Pakistan has nuclear capability. So does Russia. Hell, the second biggest nuclear arsenal on the planet belongs to the British.
Kind of makes you think, doesn’t it?
Whoops. No comedy today, it seems. But hopefully something to start a debate.
Speak soon,
Chris
posted by Chris at 6:06 AM
2 Comments:
Howdy mr man!!
He's back, the blogger is BACK! The townspeople cried and cheered and exclaimed that today, this day, would forever be known as the day Jensen got his groove back! :)
Very good blog my sweet, although I would find it hard to believe Kim Jong-Il will attack anyone anytime soon… he’s uber busy writing another opera and apparently all his money goes on his DVD collection don’t cha know!
P.S. I find it highly amusing that you still have Walkie Talkie Man in your head... Har Har!
x x x
Hello there, Girlfriend o'mine...
Kim Jong-Il cultivates this image of a slightly doolally dictator - a man with a fondness for American Cinema, wine (once seen downing 10 glasses of Chablis at a peace conference with, of all people, South Korea - showing his utter contempt for the country) and fast women.
He wears platform shoes, and chooses a bouffant hairstyle to appear bigger than his 5' 3".
In short (haha) - he has short man syndrome. He is in charge of a despotic army, and he is by no means as happy-go-lucky as he would have the world believe... He is a man who is entirely aware of his and his countries actions - and all this makes him an incredibly dangerous person.
And his Opera will be shit too.
xxx
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